goodbye daddy-o

I am keeping my brain busy while waiting to go back to the hospital to say goodbye to my dad. Waiting on my cousin to bring my sweet baby boy to me so I can drop him off at daycare for the day.

I have so many things I want to say, but my brain is blank and my heart is sad.

We took my dad off of the ventilator yesterday and it’s been a waiting game since then. His vitals are dropping and it is very likely he will be gone sometime today.

When I woke up yesterday I had no idea this is where I would be today. He’s been sick, but I thought he might pull through again.

I wanted to come here and share this photo. I took very few photos at Christmas. It was hard to juggle my camera and the baby throughout the day. I am so thankful I took the time to snap a few of Beck and his Grandpa. It’s the last one I will ever have. I only have a couple of them together and this one is the best by far. It has reminded me why I love photography. It has reminded me to enjoy the moments, and to document them as often as I can. I wish I had more photos of my parents. Especially more photos of me with my parents. But I can’t go back in time and I have to cherish the ones I do have.

I lost my mom 7 years ago in February. It was hard and changed me forever. Losing my dad will be the same. I know though that he will no longer suffer and that gives me peace.

goodbye daddy-o. I love you and I know you were so proud of that boy.

-m

my 101 (an update)

This is what is left of my 101 in 1001. You can click the link at the top of the blog to see the full list and the things I have already done. I would link it here, but I am lazy:)

The new year has renewed my want to knock some of the things off of this list. As I read over what is left, I know that a good bit of it won’t be accomplished, but I also see so many things I can do. (And this week for that matter!) I have about 9 months or so to see what I can get done. Last year I grew a person in nine (ten) months… surely this year I can meet a couple of measly life goals! Some of them are laughable because there will be no way in hell I can get them done, but others are super simple and will be easy to mark off. Some I am in the midst of doing now. My sweet little man takes up 100% of my time and I am ok with that. If nothing gets done on this list, I think I might be ok with the failure!

 

1.  Buy, or help buy Tori a car
2. Pay off at least half (or all) of my debt
3. Go on a cruise
4. Finish current cross stitch projects before starting new ones (excluding the dragon)
5. Wash (done 1/3/2010), Frame, display, and/or sell finished cross stitch and other crafts
6. Get my passport
7. Complete hard back collection of Anne Rice books
8. Read all unread Stephen king books/stories
9. Read Dark Tower Series
10. Lose ten pounds (can I count baby weight loss?? I think I should be able to!)
11. Lose ten more (By fall of 2012 I will be below my prepregnancy weight. by atleast 10 pounds. maybe!)
12. Tahiti
13. Have mom’s sapphire earrings reset in white gold, to match my ring and necklace she gave me
14. Organize and set up a craft room/office
15. Re finish sewing machine furniture
16. Decorate bedrooms.(Beck’s room done 09/2011)
17. Display more pictures of family in the house
18. Finish organizing recipes in binder
19. Visit Vegas
20. Return borrowed books to correct owners. (BMFK, Kenny, Bonnie, Lee)
21. Have $3000.00 in savings by the time 1001 is up
22. Finish transferring cd’s to itunes
23. Have date night one night a month
24. Spend a weekend in Nashville, being a tourist
25. Take all the kids to the beach for longer than one day!
26. Have spa day with tori
27. Add 5 states to my list of states I have been to. (MD, PA)
28. Donate money to a charity each year
29. Learn another language (sign language, I think)
30. Get another tattoo
31. Take my dad to dinner. or on a trip
32. Put flowers on/visit mom’s grave at least once a year (this involves a 4 hour drive, or I would do it more) (done 2010) (Failed 2011)
33. Go camping. like in a tent. ha! (this may be the least likely of all of em!)
34. Scan in and back up pictures of family. (especially mom)
35. Celebrate mom’s life, instead of mourning her death, by planting a yellow rose bushes.
36. Attempt to keep said rose bushes alive! (I do NOT have a green thumb)
37. Eat lunch away from my desk at least 2 days a week
38. Cook each recipe in my family recipe book/blog recipe (minus the pickles…)
39. renew my library card. and use it to help with #11
40. Have my rocking chair repaired. (and painted possibly)
41. Spend a day/weekend being a tourist in my town… Vulcan, Museums, etc
42. Complete Scrap book of letters and cards from mom
43. Take one picture a day for 30 days. and post them
44. organize post cards from 2009 trips into a photo album
45. finish Disney scrap book for Tori
46. Visit mom’s friends Kat.
47. Learn to drive a 5 speed vehicle
48. Learn to knit something more than scarfs
49. have my car professionally cleaned/detailed
50. Love my job
51. Paint something and display it in the house. even if it looks like a 4-year-old did it!
52. Donate $5 for each unfinished item to charity of my choice
53. make another 101 in 1001 list when this one is complete

 

 

I gotta say, I probably won’t do 53. I think I may try another approach to this. maybe 52/365? We will see.

 

-m

 

 

because he’s so darn cute (goodbye 2011, hello new year!)

Here are a few  photos I took on the last day of 2011 of Beck. 2011 was an amazing year full of surprises and changes in my life. As always, I roll with the punches and come out on top and better than before. Beck has been one of the most amazing things to ever happen in my life and I am so lucky to be his momma.

With the new year comes new hopes, dreams and plans. I can’t wait to watch him grow this year and see all the changes he will go through. Looking at this little guy right now, makes me wonder what he will be like this time next year. It’s crazy to think that by 2013 he will be walking and talking!

 

I have been obviously absent from blogging here. As you can see from the sweet face above, I have been busy loving a baby. I have felt a huge desire recently to jump back into this blog and make something of it. I have only a short 9 months to finish items on my 101 in 1001 days. I have transferred the remaining list to my phone in hopes that will motivate me to do a couple of items a week. There are several things I have completed and need to go mark off and there are quite a few I know I won’t complete. Also, with the addition of Beck, my goals have changed somewhat. I am not totally ditching it, but I have an idea that I will be completing some items that aren’t on the list, but have become more important.

The new year always brings a sense of wonder for me. It really does feel like a fresh of breath air gets blown into my soul and I know that I can do anything I want. My life has become pretty dang amazing in the past 365 days. I have gained a new perspective on my life that comes with having with having a small life to take care of. Things that were once important, no longer are and I am ok with that. Then there are the things in my life that I really didn’t realize how much I missed and needed. I am working on those too.

My main purpose in this life again has become my children. I really, really, really believe I was mean to be a momma. I was a momma for a long time to Tori and my nephews. But, I have missed the past few years of traditions with Tori and Hunter. I did my best to spend time with them and continue what we had before, but it was hard. Now that I have my own home again, we have been able to rekindle some of that “family” magic. I know from the outside looking in it’s a little wacky. But I have never really been normal.  I am excited for Beck to grow up loving his sister and cousin. Even though it’s not a blood relation, family is what you make it. I am also excited for Beck to grow up surrounded by all the people who love him, family AND friends.

OK. I got a little sappy there… This kid makes me that way sometimes!

Here’s to a wonderful, fun-filled, amazing new year

-m