I have so many things I want to say, but my brain is blank and my heart is sad.

We took my dad off of the ventilator yesterday and it’s been a waiting game since then. His vitals are dropping and it is very likely he will be gone sometime today.

When I woke up yesterday I had no idea this is where I would be today. He’s been sick, but I thought he might pull through again.

I wanted to come here and share this photo. I took very few photos at Christmas. It was hard to juggle my camera and the baby throughout the day. I am so thankful I took the time to snap a few of Beck and his Grandpa. It’s the last one I will ever have. I only have a couple of them together and this one is the best by far. It has reminded me why I love photography. It has reminded me to enjoy the moments, and to document them as often as I can. I wish I had more photos of my parents. Especially more photos of me with my parents. But I can’t go back in time and I have to cherish the ones I do have.

I lost my mom 7 years ago in February. It was hard and changed me forever. Losing my dad will be the same. I know though that he will no longer suffer and that gives me peace.

goodbye daddy-o. I love you and I know you were so proud of that boy.

-m

The new year has renewed my want to knock some of the things off of this list. As I read over what is left, I know that a good bit of it won’t be accomplished, but I also see so many things I can do. (And this week for that matter!) I have about 9 months or so to see what I can get done. Last year I grew a person in nine (ten) months… surely this year I can meet a couple of measly life goals! Some of them are laughable because there will be no way in hell I can get them done, but others are super simple and will be easy to mark off. Some I am in the midst of doing now. My sweet little man takes up 100% of my time and I am ok with that. If nothing gets done on this list, I think I might be ok with the failure!

1.  Buy, or help buy Tori a car
2. Pay off at least half (or all) of my debt
3. Go on a cruise
4. Finish current cross stitch projects before starting new ones (excluding the dragon)
5. Wash (done 1/3/2010), Frame, display, and/or sell finished cross stitch and other crafts
6. Get my passport
7. Complete hard back collection of Anne Rice books
8. Read all unread Stephen king books/stories
9. Read Dark Tower Series
10. Lose ten pounds (can I count baby weight loss?? I think I should be able to!)
11. Lose ten more (By fall of 2012 I will be below my prepregnancy weight. by atleast 10 pounds. maybe!)
12. Tahiti
13. Have mom’s sapphire earrings reset in white gold, to match my ring and necklace she gave me
14. Organize and set up a craft room/office
15. Re finish sewing machine furniture
16. Decorate bedrooms.(Beck’s room done 09/2011)
17. Display more pictures of family in the house
18. Finish organizing recipes in binder
19. Visit Vegas
20. Return borrowed books to correct owners. (BMFK, Kenny, Bonnie, Lee)
21. Have $3000.00 in savings by the time 1001 is up
22. Finish transferring cd’s to itunes
23. Have date night one night a month
24. Spend a weekend in Nashville, being a tourist
25. Take all the kids to the beach for longer than one day!
26. Have spa day with tori
27. Add 5 states to my list of states I have been to. (MD, PA)
28. Donate money to a charity each year
29. Learn another language (sign language, I think)
30. Get another tattoo
31. Take my dad to dinner. or on a trip
32. Put flowers on/visit mom’s grave at least once a year (this involves a 4 hour drive, or I would do it more) (done 2010) (Failed 2011)
33. Go camping. like in a tent. ha! (this may be the least likely of all of em!)
34. Scan in and back up pictures of family. (especially mom)
35. Celebrate mom’s life, instead of mourning her death, by planting a yellow rose bushes.
36. Attempt to keep said rose bushes alive! (I do NOT have a green thumb)
37. Eat lunch away from my desk at least 2 days a week
38. Cook each recipe in my family recipe book/blog recipe (minus the pickles…)
39. renew my library card. and use it to help with #11
40. Have my rocking chair repaired. (and painted possibly)
41. Spend a day/weekend being a tourist in my town… Vulcan, Museums, etc
42. Complete Scrap book of letters and cards from mom
43. Take one picture a day for 30 days. and post them
44. organize post cards from 2009 trips into a photo album
45. finish Disney scrap book for Tori
46. Visit mom’s friends Kat.
47. Learn to drive a 5 speed vehicle
48. Learn to knit something more than scarfs
49. have my car professionally cleaned/detailed
50. Love my job
51. Paint something and display it in the house. even if it looks like a 4-year-old did it!
52. Donate $5 for each unfinished item to charity of my choice
53. make another 101 in 1001 list when this one is complete

I gotta say, I probably won’t do 53. I think I may try another approach to this. maybe 52/365? We will see.

-m

With the new year comes new hopes, dreams and plans. I can’t wait to watch him grow this year and see all the changes he will go through. Looking at this little guy right now, makes me wonder what he will be like this time next year. It’s crazy to think that by 2013 he will be walking and talking!

I have been obviously absent from blogging here. As you can see from the sweet face above, I have been busy loving a baby. I have felt a huge desire recently to jump back into this blog and make something of it. I have only a short 9 months to finish items on my 101 in 1001 days. I have transferred the remaining list to my phone in hopes that will motivate me to do a couple of items a week. There are several things I have completed and need to go mark off and there are quite a few I know I won’t complete. Also, with the addition of Beck, my goals have changed somewhat. I am not totally ditching it, but I have an idea that I will be completing some items that aren’t on the list, but have become more important.

The new year always brings a sense of wonder for me. It really does feel like a fresh of breath air gets blown into my soul and I know that I can do anything I want. My life has become pretty dang amazing in the past 365 days. I have gained a new perspective on my life that comes with having with having a small life to take care of. Things that were once important, no longer are and I am ok with that. Then there are the things in my life that I really didn’t realize how much I missed and needed. I am working on those too.

My main purpose in this life again has become my children. I really, really, really believe I was mean to be a momma. I was a momma for a long time to Tori and my nephews. But, I have missed the past few years of traditions with Tori and Hunter. I did my best to spend time with them and continue what we had before, but it was hard. Now that I have my own home again, we have been able to rekindle some of that “family” magic. I know from the outside looking in it’s a little wacky. But I have never really been normal.  I am excited for Beck to grow up loving his sister and cousin. Even though it’s not a blood relation, family is what you make it. I am also excited for Beck to grow up surrounded by all the people who love him, family AND friends.

OK. I got a little sappy there… This kid makes me that way sometimes!

Here’s to a wonderful, fun-filled, amazing new year

-m

I wish I knew how to do a side by side comparison from last month to this month, but I am not that savvy with picture editing software. I swear one day I am actually going to obtain and learn how to use photoshop.

Here are the few that I loved.

I love this one because I captured the head petting… this is the reason he has a bald spot on the other side of his head!

2 month old Super Baby!

I was also luck enough to have Kim around to take the ones of me and Beck (and mr. frog). They turned out better than my self portrait of us!

I can tell my little man is putting on the poundsand his little face and body is plumping up. A month ago I didn’t think Beck could get any dang cuter… but guess what? He did! Gah, I love that baby!

-m

Of course.. I have “mommy goggles” and have a really hard time picking which ones I want to show you.

I took a few with his sock frog, just so we have something to compare his growth to… he loves his frog.

see… they are BFF!

super baby!

“Whatchu talkin bout willis?”

I wanted to get a picture of both of us. It wasn’t an easy task and nothing really turned out… poor screaming baby. As soon as I picked him up to calm him down he puked all down my shirt!

4 weeks and 1 day. Such and amazing 4 weeks and 1 day!

-m

This year I planned the same shin-dig. Except this year I had it in my house and my sweet baby boy was a part of it. Though, I didn’t get a pic of Beck with his pumpkin. And now the pumpkin is rotten. Yeah. I suck at documenting baby boy’s first October! ha!

I did take a few photos during the day. Mostly of the carved pumpkins and the cute kids running around. At some point some one looked around and said “Where the hell did all these kids come from?!” Just a few short years ago we would have all been well on our way to drunk while watching football. Now too many of us have muchkins to take care of!! Having said that, I did actually have my 1st (and 2nd) beer since January! Yum.

Here are a few of my favorite photos from the day.

My baby girl and my baby boy:

This little man was only 2 month old at our last pumpkin carving party!

Tori and Lee:

So many cute kids!

And of course there was pumpkin carving/painting and pumpkin fights:

Here are the final pumpkins that found their home on my front porch. So pretty. Unfortunately they are already rotting!

I love this time of year and I am sad that October is over already! It means the weather will be getting colder, it will be darker earlier and my days home with my little man are quickly passing me by. Sad face!

Tomorrow night Beck and I will celebrate his 1st Halloween. He will have no idea what’s going on, but don’t think that won’t stop me from using him for candy!!

-m

anywho… Before Beck was born I found this super cute Halloween banner that I fell in love with. About 2 weeks before Beck arrived I spent the evening on the couch with some scrap book paper and a glue stick and created this…

I really wanted to make a couple more, but those might have to wait til next year! I am still happy with how those came out!

The next project were these AWESOME Halloween Jar Lights

I bought the jars weeks before Beck was born, but didn’t start the project til last week. Fortunately I have the most amazing baby who naps and I was able to finish these in just a few hours. I am totally in love with them. I really want to make more, but canning jars are seasonal at my Walmart and they are now out of these jars. I have 12 for now, but next year I want more! Plus I have had numerous request from friends for jars of their own.

Look how awesome!

with candles:

Oh and here’s a pic of my baby boy. Because he’s cute and stuff!

Happy October Y’all!

-m

Hopefully soon I can post a blog that isn’t about that precious baby. I actually have completed a craft project or two I want to share. But for now, baby updates is what ya get!

-m

Beck was born last Thursday… 8lbs 3oz and 20″ long. I could get into the nitty gritty about the birth… but I won’t. Just know that pushing for 3 hours and not sleeping for 36 hours is something I don’t recommend! But, in this case it was all worth it!

For now I just want to show you my precious little man. Y’all… I love this baby. Love, love, love. And I kinda want to eat him. I think that’s normal right?!

day 2:

nap time:

4 days old

Sorry for the iphone photos. Soon I will have a link to Amanda’s blog so you can see him through the eyes of a professional! She photographed his birth and I can’t wait to see the memories she captured for me while I was drugged up and loving on my new little one!

-m

There are several things that are not complete, but those will have to wait. I have run out of time and energy!

I also need to thank some folks for making this nursery possible! If it weren’t for Michelle, Jamie and Lee, there is no way this room would look like it does. I can’t express my love enough for these folks and all they have done for me. We are so lucky to have such loving friends in our life! Also, I have some amazing art and decorations thanks to my talented friends and family!

Beck’s bed  came to me courtesy of Aunt Deb. The bedding is from Target and I bought it before I even knew that Beck was a boy. I saw it and fell in love with it. The other elements in the room match it perfectly! The glider was passed on to me from Michelle and I know I will probably spend the next year in it! The Robot Blanket came from Robert and Haven as a mother’s day present. This blanket is the reason I decided to go with a robot themed nursery. Finally… the amazing art work above the bed came from my sweet friend Shandon. I found something similar online and commissioned her use her creativity and make this. I adore it.

Beck’s room is shaped a little odd, so I had this small bit of wall space next to a closet. The “B” came from Ann. Amanda and Deb framed my baby shower invite and I thought this would be a great place for it. The “B” frame was made by a coworker, Alicia. I can’t wait to put a photo of my little man in it! The cute little robot men came from several folks at work. They were made by some of the clients of some of the mental health facilities we service. Every year Studio by the Tracks holds a fund raiser where these talented people’s art is sold. I love that part of Beck’s room is decorated with art from people SPS helps every day. Finally, a photo of my sweet mom. She can’t be here to see Beck grow up, but he will definitely know who that lady in the picture is!

The next photo shows you some of the unfinished projects I mentioned… This is the window seat that Lee built for us. It is exactly what I wanted! It has lids that lift and tons of space for toys inside! It still needs more paint and a cushion for the top. I am scheming on using that blanket from the bedding set to make the cushion, but that requires me to break out the sewing machine. I am just not feeling it at the moment! . On each side of the window are built in closets. They are perfect for Beck’s clothes and diaper storage! I replaced the gross bronze handles with some nice brushed silver ones.  There are also curtains for those windows, but they have been taken down so I can shorten them. Please ignore the painters tape on the floor and the box of garbage in the picture! This photo wasn’t thought out very well!!

The next pic may be my favorite thing in the room! The mirror came from Craig’s list and was painted white. The BECK banner is a creation by my very talented Aunt Deb! (Beck will at least know what his name is!!) The book shelf makes me smile every time I see it. Until it came to me, it lived its life in my Granny’s house. I have no idea how long it’s been around, but it’s at least as old as I am. I have many photos of me as a little girl with it in the back ground. I am pretty sure the story is that my grandpa built it***. I did paint it so that it would match the other white furniture in the room. (I wish I could convey the HOURS I spent playing with the sea shells and ceramic cats that adorned these shelves. Or reading the Child Craft books that lived in the bottom corner. Though the cat and the child craft books now adorn my own living room bookcase!)

The bookshelf has a TON of great things on it, but the one I want to point out the most is the bottom left square…

Those pop up books are very special… they came from Beck’s Great Grandmother. Especially for him.

How sweet is that?!

I am so glad I got this documented before Beck’s arrival. I was afraid I wouldn’t get it done in time. I know once Beck is here, the last thing I am going to care about is taking pictures of his room! I am gonna have a precious baby boy to photograph instead!!

-m

***I received an email from my Aunt Linda (my mom’s sister) after this posted with this info: “Yes,  the bookshelf was built by daddy when I was a little girl.  I want to say he built it while we still lived in Illinois so that would put it in the early 60′s. It was originally blond, then at some point painted that dark brown.  Everything looks great, can’t wait to see it in person. I remember the day Donna and I found the note with the books mom had bought for you. It was just a few days after she died. We both had a good cry.  So glad you have kept them, granny would be tickled.  Hope Beck makes his arrival soon!”