reminder of life, documentation of death

While scanning internet stories, I came across this one about blogger, husband and father, Derek Miller.

He blogged his own death.

I have only had a chance to read the last week or so of blogs where he documents his final days fighting cancer.

Do you need a reminder about how fantastic this life is?

I try my best to see the good in life everyday. I have learned to lean away from the negative and bask in the positive. But sometimes we all need a reminder.

http://www.penmachine.com/

Definitely worth the read. And the tears. I warn you. There will be tears.

Thank you Derek for letting us in on your life. And your death. I hope your family finds peace and joy in the years of words you have left for them, and the life time of memories.

-m

I have been gone for way too long

I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet, I promise.

I have a million and one things going on and haven’t had much time (or internet connection) to be here telling you about my boring life! I am still in “new house” mode though not much is really getting done or unpacked!

I promise I will be back soon. (In case you have missed me!)

For now, go over to My Pajama Days and check out the blog roll for the essay contest entries. I entered and my post will be shared with the world mid-march. Though I didn’t win the prize, it was still fun to participate. I can’t wait to read everyone else’s submissions over the next couple of months. After checking out the blog roll you should blog stalk Emily. She has the most amazing way with words and is an amazing mom and role-model.

-m

2010 in review from the wp monkeys

I am copying some of my favorite bloggers (and half of the WP world, I am sure) and sharing the 2010 in review email I received from WP…
Fix it or deal and Shouts from the Abyss have also reposted theirs… go have a looksie.

To copy Fix it or Deal, I am adding my own personal opinion in Italics.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2010. That’s about 24 full 747s. (I gotta say, 10k kind of impresses me. Though after seeing Fix It’s and The Abyss’, 10k isn’t really that much!)

In 2010, there were 212 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 242 posts. There were 186 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 213mb. That’s about 4 pictures per week. (It’s weird to see how many I have posted in a year. I always feel like I am not posting enough, but 212 in 365 days is pretty impressive for me!)

The busiest day of the year was November 26th with 206 views. The most popular post that day was Soundtrack of my life #2 Songs that make me cry.. (the only reason i had that many hits on that day was because this kid decided to read every post I have every written! ha! )

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, WordPress Dashboard, amandapair.com, twitter.com, and fixitordeal.wordpress.com. (Thanks to my sweet Amanda at amandapair.com and Amy over at Fix it or Deal. Your readers clicked on me. And the probably promptly clicked the X in the top right corner… but it counts as a view!)

Some visitors came searching, mostly for homemade calzones, hot dog birthday party, funny parachutist, mickey mouse shaped food, and mickey mouse party decorations. (I think I am gonna make calzones tonight.)

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Soundtrack of my life #2 Songs that make me cry. November 2010
3 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

2

About October 2009

3

101 in 1001 January 2010
16 comments

4

A Hot-Dog birthday party July 2010
2 comments

5

Homemade calzones March 2010
6 comments

So, that is it. My blog in a boring ass nutshell.

Maybe 2011 will be even better. There are already so many fun things in the works for my life. New boyfriend to spend time with, a move to a new house, a move to a new building for work, a trip to New Orleans and a trip to Nashville to see NKOTB (yeah, yeah, whatever!). Big things are happening this year. Big things. My heart could not be happier.

-m

25 years of friendship can’t be ruined with 3 years of absence

” she needs you worse than me”

those were the words said to me in the midst of a break up between two friends.

So, I spent 3 years being a friend to my friend. And we have had an amazing friendship, with a million laughs. I am thankful for her and all that we have. That never ever changes.

But my other friend, the one who spoke those words, disappeared. Into a life of love and a future that she thought would be forever. I was happy for her, and knew she would be ok.

She called me last weekend while i was out-of-town in the middle of nowhere. I knew when i saw her name on my phone that there must be a reason. When I was back in a world with 3g coverage and a few bars of signal, I called her. we talked. her forever has changed. we made plans for beer.

Tonight I hugged her skinny, you need to eat a cheese burger neck. And we drank a beer. Or 4. or 5. And for 4 hours we didn’t shut up. We laughed. We high-fived. We remembered all the  reasons we were friends. And I put my foot down. An absence of a 3 year magnitude will  not ever happen again. ever. my foot is down.

It’s amazing the people who occupy your life. And the times that they occupy it. If i think hard enough, I remember grade school, middle school, puffy parachute pants,  blue tennis shoes,  dances in the gym,  softball games, first kisses, first loves, first fights and tears, notes, car rides, proms, graduations, wedding and divorces… after  25 years of that its easy to  ease back in to a perfect friendship in one hug and a “how the hell have you been”. With this one it’s easy. It always was. And probably always will be.

The past week has been full of old friends, family and love. I have wallowed in every second of it. And my soul is at peace in a way it hasn’t been in so very. very long. I can’t explain the perfect silence that fills my heart. It’s good. And I am going to enjoy it while it last. I hope to enjoy it for a long long time. There is still some uneasy there. Some consideration to what i want in my life. some questions of jumping in and letting my walls crumble. Some little cocooned butterflies wanting to escape and do circles in my belly. But over all the settled feeling is solid.

The laughter that fills a friends eyes, the hurt that sits behind that laughter. I know her. As well as I know me. (We’ve met.) Nothing tops knowing that from this point forward I have a friend back in my life. for good.

-m

Say Another Lexi, blogs I love

I haven’t done this in a while, but I am quite enamored with this blog.

Go check out Say Another Lexi… I will wait til you come back…

ahhh… she makes my heart flutter a little. I love her ability to say exactly what I think. She inspires me to write more, though nothing comes out like it should.  I am always impressed by people who can produce amazing poetry or free flow writing that sing songs (or stabs) its way into my heart. This girl does that.

Anyway, she came here once and commented on something I had written. After that I followed her link to her blog and after the 1st few posts I clicked “follow”. Almost everyday she posts something that I can relate to. Good Stuff!

a few of my fav’s by her…

He said, she said

I am tired (Can’t we ALL relate to this?!)

I have to find you first

Anyway, Just thought I would share a blog I have begun to follow and love. I read a lot of photography blogs,  “mom and dad” blogs, and funny blogs.   I always enjoy finding someone who has the ability to literally take my breath away when reading. Say Another Lexi accomplishes this almost every time!

-m

ps. this daylights savings crap makes me get up early. So do night mares about all my match dot com dates being zombies! But so far I have gotten up, gotten ready, had a cup of coffee and written a blog. Pretty productive for a girl who normally rolls out of bed and is late to work every day!

Buy a monster, save a little boy

My cousin Amanda tweeted something today that warmed my heart!

There is a little boy, Aidan who is fighting leukemia. You can click his name to see the blog all about his journey. I haven’t had a chance to read too much, but I am going back to read his story.

What Amanda pointed out was Aidan’s Etsy site… Here you can purchase his drawings of monsters and the money goes to his treatment. What a great way to help a little boy and his family, plus have an awesome monster hanging on your wall.

I am going to grab Frankenstein now, before someone else takes off with him!

-m

inspiration in the form of zombie haiku

Please go check out my blog buddy, Amy, who got Freshly Pressed today with her awsome zombie haiku blog. It was exactly what I needed to get me in the mood for the Zombie Parade tomorrow and more pumpkin patching on sunday! She has written some awesome haikus and people commenting are coming up with some creative ones too.

I find this month passing me by so quickly, and I haven’t even watched a real zombie movie yet. I think I will have to pregame before the parade with some horribly cheesy movie.

I really don’t have much to say right now, too busy and sleepy. But here is my haiku that Amy inspired! Happy zombie days!

Zombies chase me eek
I am running I am dead
Brains brains I want brains

Can’t wait to be covered in blood and walking the streets of Gadsden tomorrow!

-m

Blogs I love: Cocktails at Tiffanys

A few blogs back I received a comment from a new reader. It always excites me to know someone new has come to check my word vomit out. So I got this comment on my blog about my best friend

Oh my goodness, notebooks in junior high and high school. Thank you for taking me back! My best friend’s and I had them also and now I am so curious to dig around and find them to remember what our lives were like and how simple they were at 16 and 17.

On another note, we all wish to be someone’s something and if you are true to who you are you will be again (I know that is so cliche but it’s coming from a girl who is also single and alone so it makes it better haha.)

Love the blog!

-Gizzy

I immediately replied, and went to check out Gizzy’s blog. Which isn’t just Gizzy’s but Lucky’s too.  Cocktails at Tiffanys is funny shit. Once I got there and saw the 1st couple of titles of the most recent blogs, I knew I was in for a treat. Once I giggled through lost my pretty. boy. sway and flip me the (foam) finger I was a fan for life.

After posting my big ass spider killing event I received this comment from Lucky…

HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS!!!!! I hate hate hate spideys. OMG OMG. That picture just made me shudder. I blame this on my dad who made me watch arachnophobia when I little and I STILL cannot get the image of that guy putting his shoe on and getting killed by the spidey.

-Lucky

I swear to all that is holy, yesterday morning I inspected my slippers before putting them on my feet.

Yeah, I’m a pussy.

Any girl who also uses the word “spideys” is possibly my long-lost twin.

Please go check these girls out. They are funny funny people. They inspire me in every blog to be more honest with myself and do something crazy sometimes. I wish I could be as honest as they are about dating and idiot men. But too many of you know me and know the idiot men I might write about. Watch out though, I might just let Gizzy and Lucky tell my story and you will never know it’s me!

-m

hormonal blogging, it’s what I do.

I think phones should come with some sort of breathalyzer app. That way I can’t send inappropriate or multiple texts to the same person after I have had a few.

I think I shouldn’t be allowed to text, tweet, blog,or facebook while pms-ing. Or talk to people.

It gets ugly/funny fast.

I want chocolate. And tequila. (ohh do they make chocolate tequila?) I want to cry and laugh and love and hide under a rock.

When I was younger I filled notebook after notebook with words. Poems, Stories and scribbles from the depth of my mind. When the urge struck me to “get it out” I would grab the closest scrap paper and start writing. Quite often, in the bottom of my purse, I would find napkins covered with words. Now I find myself opening wordpress and spilling it into “Add New Post”. Or using the notepad function on my iphone. Days later I go back and re-read. Sometimes I delete them. Sometimes I put them out there for the world (and the 3 of you that read this) to laugh at.

I still go back and read through those notebooks. It’s a nice to journey back through my youth and my emotions from that time. Before and after posting someone call the psych ward. get my room ready the other day, I had doubts. I started it as something that was going to be funny. By the end I was crying, remembering the good and bad things that have made me who I am. I was worried about what people would think and whisper about me behind my back. Then I realized that it probably wouldn’t be any different then what they say to my face.

Numerous people commented and made me feel better about throwing myself out there.

Amy from Fix it or Deal said “This isn’t crazy. This is life. Real, kick you in the ass life.” reading those words reminded me that life really isn’t all rainbows and puppy dogs. Most of the time it’s real, raw emotion.

My sweet cousin Amanda reminded me that blogging is similar to those notebooks I go back and read by saying “I’m glad you posted this and years later you will be too. It’s who you are right now.”

And Brooke aka shutterboo reminded me to “Just surround yourself with people you love, people that love you and live everyday looking forward to the next. And lots of beer.” I like the way this girl thinks!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks to all you people who come and read my crazy hormonal blogging. Thanks even more for sending me an encouraging word about them via blog or facebook comments, text messages, emails or even phone calls. I may not be the best writer, I splice commas (I don’t even know what that means) and I thank god for spell check every day. But, to be able to just spill emotions onto a computer screen and have so much love and support come back… it’s amazing.  You folks are amazing.

-m

My cousin Amanda is the best!

I am currently on vacation in Charlotte, Nc visiting a friend. We have walked the city. Had amazing food. And this morning enjoyed an incredible massage. I think we are officially done for today! I see a pool in our near future and dinner tonight. Site seeing will have to wait til tomorrow!

I checked my email today from my new fancy iphone and saw that my sweet cousin had posted a new blog. It contains the pictures I took of her from the learning session I had with her a couple of months ago! These are the “outtakes” and they are too cute! The ballerina pose is my favorite! Please go check them out, then spend the rest of your day ohhing and awwing over her talent! She is amazing.

Here is the original post I wrote about our time together and my learning experience.

Ok, I am off to enjoy the pool! You guys have a good day at work

-m