I have recently been vomiting words and feelings and emotions and bitchy-ness all over my blog part of the world. It’s overwhelmed me to spill it like I have. I am sure it has scared some folks off. But I might be ok with that. I have always said that if you don’t like me for me, it’s your loss… not mine.
I am a friendly person. I love my friends. I love my family. I love people. I love love. I will do anything for you. I will not do what is right for me, just to do what is right for someone else (this is a fault, I know). I am caring. I am funny. I am passionate. I am loud and honest.
On the other hand, I can be a lot of negative things. Overbearing, loud, honest, obnoxious, loud, talkative, loud, and maybe a little needy. I am learning that I don’t like to be alone. I am trying to deal with the everyday loneliness that comes with not having a partner to spill everything to. Last night, I found myself drinking beer at 445pm, alone. Eating Mac and cheese. Sitting by the pool, talking to Levi. He’s a pretty good listener. And cute.
It may kill me, but I will learn to enjoy this time alone. During all the years of being someones girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, employee, I yearned for “me time”. Now that I have it, I just want to be some bodies something. I think if I had my own place and wasn’t just living out of my suitcase in my temporary home I could enjoy “me time” more. I would have my own place and my own stuff. I could cook, entertain friends, craft etc. For now my time consists of me being utterly bored out of my skull.
In the past week or so I have found myself blogging about real things. Not just snip it of my life in pictures. I realize some of it has just turned into random rambling. But I feel ok about it. I have received some really good feed back about my real emotion blogs.
One of my most recent blog comments came from my best friend, Steph.
This girl has known me basically my entire life. We became friends after I chewed out a girl named Nicole in 4th(?) grade. (I am learning that I was obviously a bitch in school.) Anyway, she and I have been through all the things two girls can in 20+ years. I received the following comment from her this morning. She knows me pretty well…
OK I am typing this not to make you cry but… I am loving the latest blogs, brings me back to the Melissa I grew up with and cherish as a friend!! When you stayed at the house did you by chance pull out our notebooks? I have them in the chest and laugh hysterically at the every time I read them!
Stephanie was never an ooey-gooey kinda emotional girl. Having that baby has changed her some! She also knows that I cry. A lot. So the warning was well received and made me giggle. She is an amazing friend.While house/dog sitting for her a few weeks ago, I asked her where her year books were. I needed them to go year book stalking looking for a guy that I had met who remembered me from school. (He told me I was mean to him in jr high. I see a pattern here.)
I only wish I had known our notebooks were in that same chest. Those notebooks are years and years of tween/teenage girl silliness. We didn’t just write notes and pass them. We had ENTIRE note books that we would write in and pass in between classes. I think she and I now have a date with a few drinks and those notebooks. It will be hysterical to look back and laugh at what we thought we knew about life. reminiscing with Steph is one of my favorite things to do. I really wish I had some pictures of me and Steph when we were kids to post. But they are packed up in storage somewhere. We spent so much of our childhood/adulthood laughing. There are still a few things that we can mention that immediately send us into fits of laughter. (the “smokey falling of the bed” incident is high up there).
I am so thankful to have her in my life. She is never afraid to laugh at me, tell me I am crazy, listen to me cry, or subject me to her perverted husband. Plus she let’s me play aunt to her little one. My almost daily phone calls to her usually end in us laughing about my crazy boy stories, or a funny, cute, she’s too smart for her own good Madalyn story.
There is just something about good friends. And I have a great one in Stephanie.