” she needs you worse than me”
those were the words said to me in the midst of a break up between two friends.
So, I spent 3 years being a friend to my friend. And we have had an amazing friendship, with a million laughs. I am thankful for her and all that we have. That never ever changes.
But my other friend, the one who spoke those words, disappeared. Into a life of love and a future that she thought would be forever. I was happy for her, and knew she would be ok.
She called me last weekend while i was out-of-town in the middle of nowhere. I knew when i saw her name on my phone that there must be a reason. When I was back in a world with 3g coverage and a few bars of signal, I called her. we talked. her forever has changed. we made plans for beer.
Tonight I hugged her skinny, you need to eat a cheese burger neck. And we drank a beer. Or 4. or 5. And for 4 hours we didn’t shut up. We laughed. We high-fived. We remembered all the reasons we were friends. And I put my foot down. An absence of a 3 year magnitude will not ever happen again. ever. my foot is down.
It’s amazing the people who occupy your life. And the times that they occupy it. If i think hard enough, I remember grade school, middle school, puffy parachute pants, blue tennis shoes, dances in the gym, softball games, first kisses, first loves, first fights and tears, notes, car rides, proms, graduations, wedding and divorces… after 25 years of that its easy to ease back in to a perfect friendship in one hug and a “how the hell have you been”. With this one it’s easy. It always was. And probably always will be.
The past week has been full of old friends, family and love. I have wallowed in every second of it. And my soul is at peace in a way it hasn’t been in so very. very long. I can’t explain the perfect silence that fills my heart. It’s good. And I am going to enjoy it while it last. I hope to enjoy it for a long long time. There is still some uneasy there. Some consideration to what i want in my life. some questions of jumping in and letting my walls crumble. Some little cocooned butterflies wanting to escape and do circles in my belly. But over all the settled feeling is solid.
The laughter that fills a friends eyes, the hurt that sits behind that laughter. I know her. As well as I know me. (We’ve met.) Nothing tops knowing that from this point forward I have a friend back in my life. for good.